COVID-19 Update: I have openings for tele-therapy (video or phone sessions) and would be honoured to support you during this time of uncertainty. I use a secure online video platform called OnCall Health.
There are always things that are happening around us and we are usually quick to categorize them into 2 categories:
(1) good things that are working to our advantage; or
(2) not so good things that are not playing out as we had desired or planned.
We all want things to always work out as we desire.. We want to set a goal, do what we are supposed to do, and then voilà ... what we want appears in our life and is a part of our reality. When things go smoothly like this we are content and feel things are working out as they should.
On the other hand, when things don't necessarily go as planned, we are usually less than thrilled and what we really wish is that things could have just played out as we had desired. We may accept that things didn't go our way, but there is usually some underlying disappointment that things didn't work out right.
However, there is another way to look at these situations.
Instead of seeing things as either good or bad based on whether or not they worked out as we desired, we should instead step back and understand that everything is working to our advantage. Anything that happens is occurring for our benefit and although on the surface we may not immediately be able to see the advantages of everything that occurs, if we were to peel back the top layer, we would see underneath that in one way or another everything is working for our highest good.
Every event in life can be causing only one of two things:
it is good for you, or it is bringing up what you need to look
at in order to create good for you
If we really understand everything happens for a reason and that reason is always a good reason that in one way or another is working for our benefit, we will never have to question or fear anything that comes our way ... even challenges and issues. We will recognize from the very beginning that everything is working for our own good and this allows us to look at all types of situations in a new and eye opening way.
When things go as planned and we can see them working out as we desired, we are pleased. And, when things don't go as planned, we are still satisfied because we know ultimately they are working to our benefit and directing our attention to information we need that will set us up for success in the future.
It is always a win - win situation.
The questions we may have asked ourselves in the past, "Why is this happening to me?" "How could this happen?" "Will I ever get through this?" all disappear and change to one question ...
"What am I supposed to take away from this situation?"
And, the answer points us in the right direction as long as we choose to see.
Yes, it is often times easier said than done to see things as always working to our advantage, especially in those very challenging situations. However, if we push ourselves and continually commit to reminding ourselves of this truth, we can see everything from this improved perspective time and time again.
1. When the going gets tough, always look for the lesson. When you have challenges, it can be extremely difficult to have clarity and the desire to even look for the lesson. However, these are actually the times when you need to focus as much of your attention as possible on determining what lesson(s) can come out of the situation. You may not discover anything right away, but if you at least try to step back, you are bound to come across at least one valuable thing you can takeaway from the situation.
2. Even if you can't see it ... believe that everything is somehow working to your advantage. Continually remind yourself that something beneficial is either happening or your attention is being directed to beneficial information. These are the only 2 possible scenarios and if you keep reminding yourself of that reality, it will reduce any disappointment you may have that things are not working as they should.
3. Complete the story. When things go wrong, we usually only tell ourselves the bad side of the story (i.e. "I lost my job and now I don't have income coming in to pay my bills".) There is always more to the story. Perhaps you needed one door to close so another could open, or maybe it was in your best interest to get out of a situation and in the future you will be able to understand why. Whatever the case may be, all stories have some type of benefit so don't overlook that benefit when you are framing the situation.
4. Realize it's your choice. You get to choose how you will handle and manage through any situation. You can choose to replace negative thoughts with positive explanations as often as necessary to improve how you feel. You can continually work on reaching for that positive perspective no matter how many times your mind wants to sell you the bad one. The choice is always yours and once you really understand how much control you have, you can make certain that you are making the choices that will allow you to have the best perspective and be okay with anything that comes your way.
When we are able to live with this outlook on everything that happens, we open ourselves up to really experiencing life in the greatest way. The limiting perspectives that we held in the past where we assumed things were either good or bad fall by the wayside and we never become too attached to certain outcomes or things always working out the way we planned, because we realize in one way or another, everything is working for our benefit...that is the alternaview.
By Sibyl - The Alternaview Website