COVID-19 Update: I have openings in May for in-person, video or phone sessions. I use a secure online video platform called OnCall Health.
1. Life-long Committed Partnership. Spouses need to be fully committed to God, each other and the church, be committed to playing the love game through good times and hardships, and become the best spouse (player), learning, practicing and building all the required skills.
2. Acceptance. Spouses must truly accept the other for who they are, not try to demand change.
3. Mutual Love and Respect. Throughout their lives, spouses must cultivate love and respect for each other. Never neglect that romance that once came so easily.
4. Manage Conflict. Spouses must manage all conflict in a loving and respectful way, always working toward a win-win resolution.
5. Change Oneself First. It is crucial that spouses realize that the only person's behavior they can control is their own. Instead of trying to force each other to change, it is more effective for partners to honestly assess themselves and think about what they can do to make the relationship better. When husbands and wives stop trying to change each other and instead shift their attention to improving their own behavior, they will likely be more content, even if their partner continues to do the things that they do not like.
6. Remain Best of Friends. A marital relationship must be built on a solid foundation of friendship. Spouses must keep their friendship alive. A relationship without fuel will crumble.
7. Forgiveness. Spouses must forgive each other whenever necessary. Forgiveness is the only product that can wash/heal spiritual and emotional wrongdoings/wounds. If spouses do not forgive each other, their wounds (grudge, bitterness, resentment, anger, etc.) will fester and grow into emotional infections, causing spiritual, emotional, physical and relationship problems.
8. Rewards and Consequences - Consistently reward/praise each other and apply consequences whenever rules are broken. (Example of a consequence: Pay $5.00 fine for mismanaged anger).
1. Positive Attitude. You maintain positive thoughts, feelings and actions, despite negative interactions that occur around you.
2. Assertive Communication. Direct, honestly, and appropriately stating what your thoughts, feelings, needs, or wants are. You take responsibility for yourself and are respectful to your spouse. You are an effective listener and problem solver.
3. Empathy. You put yourself in your spouse's shoes and are good at understanding his or hers thoughts and feelings.
4. Conflict Resolution. You define the problem of disagreement, state how each contributes to the problem and list past attempts to resolve the issue that were not successful. You brainstorm and list all possible solutions. You discuss and evaluate the possible solutions and agree on one solution. You agree on how each person will work toward the solution.
5. Flexibility. You have the ability to change, adapt, and switch responsibilities when necessary.
6. Couple Closeness. You have the ability to balance separateness and emotional closeness. You establish a satisfying balance between dependence and independence.
7. Personality Compatibility. You have great understanding of each other's personality traits/skills. You have a great ability to work with each other's strengthens and are an effective coach in maintaining balance for self and your spouse.